Wednesday, 29 April 2015

26/04/15 Dark Vision (2015)

A supernatural reality TV show try and win a contract/competition by streaming live spookyness from a cave that's haunted by some guy who enjoyed killing people back in the days of The Plague.

Being alive back then must've been bloody awful. You got, like, one day a year off work from your terrible job where you sat around in a straw house wearing clothes made of leprosy, drinking ale with bits floating in it, eating a grey lump of diseased bread, giving thanks to the landowners who would probably not hesitate in using you for winter fuel if the logs ran a little low.
You probably couldn't read or write, you gave half you meagre wages back to the person you worked for as payment for the one-room hovel you live in on their land. Potatoes were a luxury for the wealthy, so you had to peel a rodent for an imitation one.
Music was performed on instruments that both looked and sounded like a stringed shed.
If you were luck enough to reach your mid-twenties, at least one limb had probably withered away or burst and you were likely to soon die through easily preventable illness, being hit by a sword, drowned for being a witch or eaten by a bear.
You were also expected to attend worship 400 times a year where you handed over the rest of you wages and gave thanks for your existence whilst being told you were a sinner for possessing genitals, eyes and whatnot.

"Keep describing the poor this way, nearly there..."

All of which leads us in no way back to the film. The acting's so hammy these people probably piss gammon, the camera work and effects are competent at best, the location becomes a little repetitive and the story's nothing original. However, it's one of those 'honest' films that doesn't pretend to be anything more than what it is and I'd much rather watch ten films like this than another single 100 million dollar superhero toy advert with Audi product placements and sparkle-toothed cretins blandly spouting their McDialogue.



  1. Duncan Smith fun fact of the day: his sister is Susan Duncan (she dropped the Smith), aka Susi from Susi and Guy. They performed on the excellent soundtrack from Enzo G Castellari's Street Law. She was also nominated for a Razzie for worst soundtrack with the theme from Yor's World. So Susan Duncan's place in cult film history is assured. Her brother can simply do one!

    1. That, my good fellow, is an example of why anyone who stumbles across this nonsense should go and read you blog instead.

      And, by fucking golly, yes. IDS can REALLY fucking do one. The Tory scum. Fuck him, his ancestors and the broomsticks they flew on.

      (Sorry, bit pissed. Been out with the wife.)