28/12/2014 I Origins (2014)

The opposite of Son of a Gun this starts fairly so so but really drew us in.  It concerns biology boddery and reincarnation.  Features Brit Marling who we've yet to see in a duff film; check out her stuff if you can. The end is genuinely touching.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2884206/

9/10

Podd

24/12/2014 The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

It's become a woolly tradition that I watch this on Christmas Eve. Arguably Michael Caine's finest leading role although he is still out-acted by effectively some socks with eyes.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104940/

9/10

Podd

30/09/204 Seance On A Wet Afternoon (1964)

Excellent vintage flick about a married couple who kidnap a child so that the wife, who works as a medium, can add credibility to her professional claims by involving herself in the investigation, offering information that will prove correct and raise her public profile in the wold of spirit communication.

You could say she's a small medium trying to get bigger.

Ho ho.

Anyway, even though that set-up is essentially total bum wash, the film is great. Made during the tail end of that period when England had a moustache and wore a tie to bed, it does suffer from being slightly stuffy, but that fades as it goes on, and by the end of it becomes quite a dark, troubling story. The tension in the bag of cash handover scenes particularly impressed me.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058557/
9/10

"Move along now, madam. Nothing to see here."

"Shush now, battyman, else I shank you bad style. Get me?"

A member of the 'Hells Chaps' motorcycle gang.

'Hot wicking' was the drug craze for the kids back then.

By 1964 standards this was quite a hot Girl-on-Girl scene.

Seriously, this film is obsessed by beaver.

"Now Miriam, if you flip this switch, it'll make our Austin bounce up and down like all my O.G. homies back in South Central. Low-rider life, yo."

"Gary, you're fifty-two."

"I love pictures."

(Note: I haven't altered this screencap in any way.)

Told you!!!

Perkin.

27/08/14 The Rover (2014)

In a near future where the world is seemingly only inches away from being completely broken, someone steals Mike from Neighbours car.

Bleak and very nearly brilliant.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2345737/
9/10

Perkin.

26/08/14 Video Nasties: Draconian Days (2014)

The -not strictly necessary, but still very welcome- sequel to Jake West's 2010 Video Nasties: Moral Panic, Censorship and Videotape. This one's a bit more detailed than the first film's overview, with in-depth interviews with some of the people who were arrested for possessing, copying and sometimes dealing the films on the banned list.

For Brit film fans of a certain type and age, there's some nostalgia gold in this. 

Thank golly we would never again have to suffer under a Tory government who would try and impose their morally superior control over the media us delicate plebeian ingrates can enjoy. All that dangerous, unregulated 'esoteric content' is out there for us to enjoy, unfiltered and free to view anonymously without anyone registering collective or individual dissenting opinions. 

Eh? What's that now?

Anyway, this documentary is ace. I got a copy as a birthday present from my brother, signed by Jake West and Marc Morris. Nice one, S! :)

So, yeah, buy a copy, it's cracking good stuff.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3562516/

9/10

Perkin.

26/06/14 Red State (2011)

Three slightly dickish/nerdy highschool lads reply to an online advert promising some bedroom pleasure with an eager older lady. She drugs their beers and they wake up in a bit of bother as a small, very fundamentalist church of nutbags have decided that they represent all that is immoral and wrong with modern society and plan on sacrificing them to God ...for whatever mentalist wobble-bonk reasons they think justify such prick lunacy.

Things don't really go to plan for anyone when the ATF decide it's time to raid the church compound and a simple story of religious child-murder turns into a big gun fight.

No one, with the exception of the essentially decent and naive young lads, comes out of this looking particularly good. The religious nutters and the law enforcement both justifying terrible acts as a response to orders from a higher agent.

The performances are all superb, especially Michael Parks as the head of the church, a far too believable example of mentalist wibble-thought inspired by a two thousand year old book. Glad that most Christians I've met are the fluffy, decent types who help out at homeless shelters and whatnot.

Anyway, film's excellent, you should watch it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0873886/
9/10

Perkin

03/04/14 The Machine (2013)

Low budget Sc-Fi flick set in the near-future about a science-y fellow who tries to fix broken soldiers by using robot stuffs and brain implants. Unfortunately he's not having a great deal of success as the droid grunts develop murderist habits after being given the robo-bits.

A lovely young woman joins him as his assistant, he scans her face and after she develops a terminal case of the stabs, he uses the scan to create a free-thinking, full-sized gadget version of her.

He wants her to be lovely, the military folk sponsoring his work want her to be an infiltrating death-gizmo.

Empire magazine's review compared this to the film Splice, which is fair as there is something of the 'rapidly developing, artificial child' in both films, however Caity Lotz who plays the assistant/droid in this makes me happy in the trousers and doesn't have the tail or bum-shaped head that the creature does in Splice.

Anyway, for a low-budget, Brit Sci-Fi filmed in Wales (it's raining in most exterior shots, accurately) it's very good, well acted, intelligent and unexpectedly touching.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2317225/
9/10

Perkin.

Bum-shaped head.

22/03/2014 Carry On Behind (1975)

A glaring omission from ITV3's Carry On fest over the Christmas period I was pleased to stumble upon this on Film 4 as it's one of my favourite Carry Ons yet isn't shown as often as the others (perhaps due to the absence of Sid 'N' Babs).

This is often muddled up with "....Camping" as it also takes place on a campsite. It follows two unlikely archaeologists investigating some Roman ruins, and the usual selection of tragic middle aged men attempting to cop off with attractive young women who are half their age.  Professor Vooshka (Elke Sommer) was somewhat a heroine to me as a young child. I'd like to give the worthy reason that it's because she's the most  positive female character in all the Carry Ons as she is neither a personality-free dolly bird nor a nagging wife figure, but the reality is I just love the fact that she's so completely bonkers.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072764/?ref_=rvi_tt

9/10

Bonkers

Podd

01/03/14 Holy Ghost People (2013)

A young woman's sister goes missing after running off to join a snake handling cult hidden away up a dark, red-necky mountain. Sort of place where blowing on a jug is considered music and the houses are made out of shotguns and mud.

The young woman gives a drunken ex-marine some money to come with her in a protective role as she goes searching for her sibling among the serpent fondlers. Like all decent backwater cults, they seem welcoming at first, offering rustic salvation from the spiritual burden of city life. But, then, and I don't think I'm giving anything away here, darker activities and agendas start oozing to the fore.

Nothing in this film is a big surprise plot-wise, but everything else exceeded what I expected. The acting is great, with particular credit going to cult leader, and the film's co-writer, Joe Egender, I thought his final scene was bloody superb. The camera work, timing, building sense tension and script all completely nail it.

If it sounds like something you'd enjoy, seek it out, it's a cracking good little film.

Trivia: the film was part inspired by a 1967 documentary with the same title about a bunch of real life reptile-grippers.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2298224/
9/10 (I'm scoring it high as the professional critics are being so cunty with their scores. Idiots. And also 'cos I think it deserves it.)

Perkin.

10/02/2014 Chronicle (2012)

Same film that we watched last year, so go and read that review. If you can find it, I can't.

Anyway, it's very good for a teenagers film.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1706593/
9/10 Or possibly less, up to you really.

Perkin.

02/01/14 Crossraods (1986)

A young boy kidnaps a black pensioner so that they can visit a junction in the countryside and play guitar with a chap from Whitesnake.

Utter silliness, but very enjoyable.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090888/
9/10

Perkin.

27/12/13 Superman (1978)

First we watched the original...


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078346/
9/10

Perkin.

24/12/13 Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981)

Lucas and Spielberg can can both fuck right off, but even I'll admit that this film's bloody fantastic. But you know that as you've seen it. If by some chance you haven't, it's about a man with a hat and a whip who digs up old things. A bit like a sexy version of Time Team. No Baldrick.

An anagram of this film is: I, soft, dark arse-harlot.  ...A film with that title would probably also feature men with whips.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082971/
9/10

Perkin.

17/09/13 Scenic Route (2013)

Two old chums are going for a drive through the desert when they develop car trouble and break down.

The majority of the film then plays out as they talk/argue/shout at each ither whilst waiting for someone to come and help.

Although accurate, that description doesn't do the film justice; the script is excellent, the acting's great and it pulls off the small cast/one location thing superbly.

Flippin' ace!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2012011/
9/10

Perkin.

05/08/13 30 Days Of Night (2007)

Excellent splatter-vamp flick.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0389722/
9/10

Perkin.

10/07/13 Assault On Wall Street (2013)

Fucking hell! Kick me in the pods and call me Gladys! One of the best films of the year written and directed by Uwe Boll!

Some everyday fella (played by Dominic Purcell looking like a version of Clive Owen made out of bricks) is a regular fellow with a poorly wife who finds his life falling apart due to the actions of others. Things go from pear-shaped to utterly bollocksed and he decides to get his own back.

Bearing in mind, again, that Uwe Boll wrote and directed this, it's pretty shocking to see a well acted, thoughtful, intelligent film with a social conscience and a message about our times. Well, until the shooty gun stuff goes a little too bonkers. Also, the voice over during the last 30 seconds is total vagina, but I'm willing to forgive it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2368553/
9/10 (Without so much illogical violence and the voice over at the end, this would have been a 10!)

Perkin.

21/05/2013 The Illusionist (2006)

Edward Norton is a magician in Vienna in the time when all men had beards and hats. He is reunited with his childhood sweetheart who happens to be getting hitched to an evil prince. It sounds crap but it's actually very good.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443543/

9/10

Podd

27/03/2013 Spiders (2013)

A flawless piece of cinematic beauty. Well, no.  It is actually one of those rare terrible films whose badness make it compelling and entertaining. Evil space spiders arrive on Earth and hilarity, sorry I mean terror, ensues.

As a straight up film - 3/10
For unintentional humour and so-bad-it's-good factor: 9/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1659216/?ref_=sr_1

Podd

24/03/13 Kill List (2011)

We wanted to see this again after buying the DVD recently, so it was good of Channel 4 to put it on TV, thus saving us the effort of unwrapping the disc and watching it without adverts. Our DVD for director Ben Wheatley's third film, Sightseers arrived yesterday so hopefully we'll watch that this week as we're fans of his previous two flicks. (Although his TV show, The Wrong Door was a right barrel of helmet)

This is a horror/thriller with supernatural undertones about two former soldiers who now work as hitmen, having left the army after an unspecified event going wrong in eastern Europe. They are hired by some wealthy, shadowy affulent types who offer them top dollar to kill the names on a list given to them. Take a guess where the title comes from. There are hints dotted through the film that the plot is tied in with Arthurian legend, some of which are very casual and a second viewing helps pick up on them.

Michael Smiley (has possibly the best surname ever*) and Neil Maskell play the hitmen and are both flippin' excellent, as is MyAnna Buring who plays Maskell's wife and looks stunningly beautiful in every shot. Which is a bit spazzy to point out, but she probably flushes away better genes every morning than what composites most of the mutants I encounter day-to-day.

The end has divided opinion greatly, I think it works but you'll have to decide for yourself. Well, I'm not your nan, make up your own mind.

Although Nan Plop would be a good name for a blog.

Anyway, watch it, it's great.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1788391/
9/10

*Actually, this guy has the best surname ever: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0125405/

Perkin.

09/03/13 Nightbreed (1990)

Many years ago my brother came home with a copy of a book called The Nightbreed Chronicles. The book's a companion piece to the film, Nightbreed. The book was a beautifully shot, photo heavy, behind the scenes look at the film and, even better, had biographies of many of the fabulous creatures/monsters that feature in it. I was gagging to see the film after repeatedly reading the book.

The story (based on Clive Barker's excellent novella, Cabal) is about a chap called Boone who is something of a troubled misfit, he has reoccurring dreams that beckon him to a semi-mythical place called Midian where The Nightbreed live, left alone by the outside world and away from those who would do them harm. The 'Breed are a large collection of monsters, freaks and the unwanted. The Tribes of The Moon as they poetically call themselves.

Unfortunately, Boone's shrink is a rather dubious fella named Decker who's hobbies include psychiatry, tennis and murdering families. Although I'm not sure about the tennis bit.
Decker decides to frame Boone for the muder-y stuff, making poor Booney believe he is the one responsible for the slaughtering of families and he is blacking out the vile deeds from his memory. This prompts Boone to go on the run and seek out the refuge of Midian. He finds it, but is told he doesn't belong and is an 'innocent'. He discovers Deckers true nature, as Decker himself learns of Midian's existence which leads up to a confrontation at the gates of Midian between the creatures and the humans.

When this was released it suffered from heavy cuts to Barker's intended film, was promoted as something entirely different to what it actually is and received a heavy, grossly unfair critical bollocking.

Still, as I've always said, fuck professional critics. I find too many of them to be gutless careerists afraid to champion genuine creativity in favour of maintaining the status-quo, spoon-feeding us beige opinion on films created only for profit. Why have art when you can have money, eh?

Nightbreed is a brilliant, twisted film. The overt, obvious metaphor is the common one of man being the greatest 'monster' of all (Decker) and that we, humans, will always fear and eventually destroy those that are different to us, even when they mean us no harm.

Excitingly, lots of extra footage, long thought lost, was recently rediscovered and has been shaped into 'The Cabal Cut' which is much closer to Barker's intended film and has spent the last year or two being played at film festivals and one-off screenings around the world. The intention is to snowball enough interest to get this fuller version released onto disc. I flippin' hope it succeeds as I'm gagging to see it. There's a petition you can sign, as well as lots of Cabal Cut back story at the website http://www.occupymidian.com/ You should be a good egg and go and sign the petition. Ta.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100260/
9/10

That's the title, in case you'd forgotten from just now.

Not exactly a children's film. Unless they're really odd kids.

"The first rule of Tie Club is: We don't talk about Tie Club."

"The second rule of Tie Club is: wear a tie."

Whilst napping in the straw, Boone had his 'Riverdance dream' again.

This is Peloquin. He's in the film. He's fucking ace!

Singles night in Croydon: Disappointing.

Would. In that 'sexy hedgehog' kinda way.

Looks like a VW pendant. Probable Beastie Boys fan.

Anal suprise! #Viz, Up The Arse Corner#

"I love this wallpaper!" *points*

"Fries? Aah, go on then."

Baphomet. He's, like, boss of the Nightbreed. I bet they all have nicknames for him behind his back. Like "Jazz Hands" and "Glowstick".

This is how most babies look to me.

Croydon, yesterday.

Perkin.