Saturday, 7 March 2015

05/03/15 Slaughter Is The Best Medicine (2014)

The budget of this film was -no joke- £50.

I don't think I'm being critically harsh when I say it shows.

The The plot involves a team of supposedly elite mercenaries (who I have named Gorm, Overweighty, Cannot-acty, BaldGuy and Woman)  who are reunited to perform one more job as a unit.
Apparently it has been five years since they last worked together and each character is introduced via a brief segment that shows what they've been up to in the meantime, this includes: stealing a chicken (a three-man job), diffusing a bomb made of flour, making a phone call and, most excitingly, sitting in a house.

Anyway, after the reunion, they get their mission briefing, they are to be sent into some woods to retrieve a scientist who has defected from Madeupistan or somewhere, odd given that when the scientist has his scenes in front of the camera, he seems like a guy plucked from an Essex darts team.

The woods where most of the film takes place are supposed to have a reputation for sinister unexplained events taking place. To create this eerie ambience, they filmed the woodland scenes in bright daylight, during summer months in woods that have a comparable threat level to Richmond Park in May.

The film stumbles towards its conclusion, the mercenaries being picked off one by one, concluding with a predictable twist and a final scene that falls as flat as all the ones preceding it.

Right, if you can be bothered to read the above, you'll have a pretty good idea what this film's like. It's as ropey as they come, lacking skill in every area that defines the quality of a movie, however it was filmed over a few days, using non-professionals who worked around their day jobs and is 'honest' crap rather than the shit-awful trend for faux-cheap ironic, wannabe-cult 'Sharknado' wank that dominates the low budget end of the film spectrum.

The sort of film that many people would like to make with their mates if they could be arsed so they can enjoy watching it when they get together an laugh at their own cinematic ineptitude. If you can tolerate, or more to the point, enjoy someone else's back garden efforts, than you might get something out of this.

Ha! "Back garden efforts", sounds like when you're struggling to have a poo.


(Although equally 1/10, but you know what I mean)


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